This evening I was thinking about relationships. Not just the romantic kind, but friendships and family ties too. There is a novella, written by Carson McCullers, called "The Ballad of the Sad Café". One of the core messages throughout it is that within any relationship there is a lover, and a beloved. In other words, it's never balanced.
Is a person predisposed to be one or the other for the duration of their life? Or do they chop and change, depending on the relationship in question? I have a feeling that it's the former. I know people who are very much lovers; people who throw themselves headfirst into relationships, and do anything to make the other happy. Myself included! Likewise, I also know people who hold the power over the relationship; they are the beloved and they are very happy being that way.
I've always thought the beloved is the one with the power. The lover is powerless to control themselves, and then when the beloved decides...the relationship is put on hold, or is over. It's always the lover who gets hurt.
On one hand, I'm still very much enamoured with the Disney school of romance. Boy meets girl...or rather, prince meets princess. They fall madly in love and there we are. Or, as Carrie said in one of the final episodes of Sex and the City; "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."
But all I've learnt from this is that it hurts.
It is often said that a woman should marry a man who loves her more than she loves him. She should sidestep the man who makes her heart fizz and her stomach flip when she holds his hand, and look for the man who makes her feel safe.
This strikes me as hopelessly sad, but also, hopefully...hopeful. Safety is better than heartbreak, any day...and a relationship that starts on a passionate, all-consuming high has already reached its climax, and has nowhere to go but to fall. And so, I shall stop looking for my knight in shining armour and instead, look for my safety net. The man who will look after me and love me.
But maybe I'll let a tiny part of me hold on to the dream of love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.
:)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
very true. sadly. but maybe its possible for two lovers to meet? maybe? lol i gota hope!
my flat mate (he is devistated that you didnt come down and visit him after all he knows your name) after agreeing with what you said, looked at me philosophicaly as i wrote my comment and spoke thus "dont worry ben there is a man out there for you" and legged it.
I will come down and visit eventually...are you still living with him next year?! Tell him he's a very witty boy, lol.
The thing is...if two lovers meet...does one switch and become the beloved?
hehe yeah he is still here next year, poor kid has fallen inlove with me and cant face not having me near...
its a good point. but i think most of the time people are pre-disposed to one or the other. so maybe even if one switches then it can be to a lesser degree? or maybe they dont switch at all, i cant exactly call on a wealth of expereance here.
Post a Comment