Recently I've realised that as I get older, things become far less black and white. Decisions are harder to make. Things aren't so simple. This is prompted by a Facebook quiz (okay fine, I'm a bit of a loser) in which it asked "what would you do if you found out you were pregnant?". Well, firstly, I'd cry lots, and be in a fair amount of shock, and wonder if I was carrying the next Messiah, but aside from that...I don't know. I know you can never really know how you'll react to such things until they happen, but if you had asked me that question when I was 15, or 17, or indeed 18...I would have said that I would abort it. But now...well, it would hardly be great timing. I'm single. I'm a student. I have no income. But having said all that, I would be better equipped now to look after a child than I was at 16. None of this pondering matters anyway, since (I feel I should point out) I'm not pregnant.
But it's not just this question. So many others become grey and fuzzy and the borders between what is possible and what isn't have changed. Being able to drive has changed a lot of things, because I can take myself places (dependent on the use of Mum's car, dammit), and do things by myself. My expectations of life have changed and I feel more able to do...well, anything. I'm rambling, I know.
Other people have noticed this, right? Getting older makes life, and decisions, more complicated. Nothing is as simple anymore. "Impossible" isn't neccessarily so, anymore.
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13 comments:
I know exactly what you mean. I was thinking hte same thing the other day, what would I do if I found out I was pregnant. My first pre-thought thought was 'abort it', but then almost immediately I started thinking 'but...'.
And that goes for a lot of things. But I do think getting older is a good thing, somethign I'm enjoying even if it is more complex. I can do more and I know more and... I'm more certain of myself. And it makes a surprising difference.
Hehehe yes, I've found myself wanting to be 5 years old again because thinsg seemed so much simpler back then. I guess they weren't we just didn't have to deal with the things we have to now.
I couldn't bring up a child now, I just know it. Ask me in a few years time and I may tell you differently.
Facebooks wins :oD
Quick Q for Jenny, have you got a msnspace or do you just use it as an identity? :o)
Dear Claire,
I came across your blog completely by accident a while ago, and have to admit I am completely addicted! At first it was just curiosity that kept me coming back, but I love the way you write, and love thinking about some of the things you write about. The way you see and think about things is so incredibly honest and compelling, and I always look forward to reading your blogs.
Keep doing what you're doing!
Best wishes,
From a fellow UKC student
Thank you, Anonymous! Do I know you? Care to unveil your identity?
No! Hehe, I'd look like a total stalker! (internet stalking, not like actual stalking haha!)
Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading your blogs. You don't know me I don't think!
Well that's cool anyway, stick around!
Haha yes, I do have my own msnspace, but until recently it was set to 'messenger friends only', as it had been for years.
Anyway, hopefully that's all sorted now (as of...yesterday?), and anyone who stumbles upon it can read it. I'm not going to vouch for it and say that it's worth it, though, but feel free to mosey on down and see what you think! And thank you for the interest :)
Claire, you've got an admirer :oD
Aww that's cool Jenny, but I still can't access it :o(
Haha Hannah, I don't think so! And interestingly, I assumed that Anonymous was female, which is interesting...
Yep Jenny, I have to be signed into msn to view your space.
that SO shouldn't be the case. I'll check the settings again -- I've probably done something really stupid!
However once my exams are over and done with I'm going to set up a shiny new blog elsewhere on the internet and be sure I'll tell you all about it incessantly in EVERYBODY'S comment boxes! Also be sure that there will probably be PLENTY of problems with it...
Haven't linked my name again, sorry, but it's here enough times already...!
Guess what? I changed permissions to 'Anyone on the Internet' and then forgot to save when I did it the other day.
Touch wood, it should work now.
It would freak me the hell out if someone from my uni read my blog. Who knows, maybe they do? Eek.
I guess sometimes, you don't know how you'd cope until you're *forced* to have to cope, and then somehow, you *do* manage, and find yourself making decisions that hypothetically you'd never considered would come about. It's weird looking back on yourself as you were then.
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