When something happens to you...an emotional trauma, be it big or small... how do you deal with it? I find that generally, people employ the same tactics to get over things, time and time again. However lately, I seem to have changed somewhat, and I'm not sure why.
For years, when something's upset me, I've talked it through, largely with friends (online and IRL), and I've found that in the telling, it becomes less painful. A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say...or quartered, or eighthed, or sixteenthed, I guess.
However, this time round...I've found that I don't want to talk about it. At all. Talking about it sends jolts through me and I'd rather just hide my feelings deep down, and trust that they'll go away. But I'm not sure how healthy this is.
Apologies for the ramble. How do you get over things?
I don’t wanna talk
About the things we’ve gone through
Though it’s hurting me
Now it’s history
I’ve played all my cards
And that’s what you’ve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That’s her destiny
I don’t wanna talk
Cos it makes me feel sad
And I understand
You’ve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all.
Thursday 31 July 2008
Thursday 24 July 2008
1260 Grandsire Triples
I realise this means nothing to the average person but tonight I rang my first quarter peal- 1260 Grandsire Triples, on the treble, in 41 minutes.
I am tres happy, to say the least!
I am tres happy, to say the least!
Tuesday 22 July 2008
Change
Do you ever get the urge to change your appearance drastically? I get it every 6 weeks or so, then half chicken out and end up looking exactly the same as I did before. Yesterday I booked myself a haircut, went this morning and for once, went through with the change.
It feels so good. My wallet is £40 lighter but my head feels lighter than that and I love how my hair looks!
Sometimes it's worth biting the bullet and going for it...
It feels so good. My wallet is £40 lighter but my head feels lighter than that and I love how my hair looks!
Sometimes it's worth biting the bullet and going for it...
Sunday 20 July 2008
Friends and family
The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.
The other day my mum said something about family meaning more than friends. To say my parents aren't big people people is something of an understatement...they're both happy having family ties, seeing their parents a couple of times a week, and other relatives a bit less, and neither of them place much stock on friends at all. They both have friends of course, don't get me wrong, but to them, family is more important. I can't imagine either of my parents ever saying they love their friends.
However, and I don't know if this is a generational thing or not, I totally disagree with my parents. I love my family, that goes without saying. But I have friends (for the sake of listing them without naming them, there's R, L, K, E, J, A, C, E, and E, just off the top of my head) who mean as much to me as family. I suppose I could narrow that down to the ones that just the thought of losing them makes me get all choked up, and that would be R, C, and E.
These friends, I think of them as extensions of me. They are my friends, and hideously possessive as that sounds, it's not quite how I mean it...in the same way as I can't imagine life without my parents, I can't imagine life without these three people. They are a part of my life, and therefore a part of me. I would do anything to protect them, anything to make them smile (proven by my love of spending money on friends, and of trying to find the perfect gift). I know they know how much they mean to me. I am proud of their achievements and when they're sad, I feel sad for them...when they're happy, I'm happy for them. I want them in my life for a long time yet to come.
I'm rambling. But is this just me? I often wonder if these friends feel about me how I feel about them...I know they like me, at least sometimes, but I fiercely love my closest friends.
Do you love your friends? Or is love and that kind of bond purely reserved for the realms of family?
It's hard to find people who would love you no matter what. I was lucky enough to find three of them.
The other day my mum said something about family meaning more than friends. To say my parents aren't big people people is something of an understatement...they're both happy having family ties, seeing their parents a couple of times a week, and other relatives a bit less, and neither of them place much stock on friends at all. They both have friends of course, don't get me wrong, but to them, family is more important. I can't imagine either of my parents ever saying they love their friends.
However, and I don't know if this is a generational thing or not, I totally disagree with my parents. I love my family, that goes without saying. But I have friends (for the sake of listing them without naming them, there's R, L, K, E, J, A, C, E, and E, just off the top of my head) who mean as much to me as family. I suppose I could narrow that down to the ones that just the thought of losing them makes me get all choked up, and that would be R, C, and E.
These friends, I think of them as extensions of me. They are my friends, and hideously possessive as that sounds, it's not quite how I mean it...in the same way as I can't imagine life without my parents, I can't imagine life without these three people. They are a part of my life, and therefore a part of me. I would do anything to protect them, anything to make them smile (proven by my love of spending money on friends, and of trying to find the perfect gift). I know they know how much they mean to me. I am proud of their achievements and when they're sad, I feel sad for them...when they're happy, I'm happy for them. I want them in my life for a long time yet to come.
I'm rambling. But is this just me? I often wonder if these friends feel about me how I feel about them...I know they like me, at least sometimes, but I fiercely love my closest friends.
Do you love your friends? Or is love and that kind of bond purely reserved for the realms of family?
It's hard to find people who would love you no matter what. I was lucky enough to find three of them.
Monday 14 July 2008
Scented
What do you smell like?
Yesterday, I went for a ridiculously long run to a friend's house and when I got there an hour and a half later, I showered. After I had dressed etc, the friend hugged me and said "you smell like post-exercise shower". He didn't mean that I simply smelt clean and freshly showered, nor did he mean I smelt of sweat (or so he maintains...!). I have no idea what he actually meant.
Also, a couple of days ago I was in a posh jewellery-and-other-things shop and the lady who runs it asked me at the till "what are you wearing?". I hesitated for a moment, pondering my choice of clothes, before I realised she meant my perfume. "It's not Angel, is it?" It's not, and luckily I managed to remember what it is called on the spur of the moment! (Lancome Miracle Forever, for those of you who wish to buy me perfume).
The smell of a person has always been a big factor in my attraction to a person. A guy who didn't smell of Lynx Africa when I was 15 was a major novelty and a major attraction! I have been known to steal items of boyfriends' clothing purely to sleep in because they smelt of the person. My stomach still flips when I catch a scent through a crowd which matches the aftershave my second boyfriend liked to wear. And I'm dreading it happening with the aftershave my most recent ex wore, because I know it'll bring back a plethora of memories that I don't want.
One of my friends used to wear Dior Addict and her then-boyfriend made the critical error of saying "you smell like my mum"!! (She smelt like my mum too, to be fair...clearly Dior Addict was popular amongst mothers...) Note to all guys: Never say this to your girlfriend/potential girlfriend/bit of stuff, unless you don't want sex ever again.
I remember reading/hearing things about how the smell of a person, or rather whether you find it attractive or repulsive, determines how healthy the babies you'd have if you were to have sex would be...something to do with genes...anyone want to help me out here...?! (I'd Google, but I'm in a rush to go out!)
I suspect it's not just me that cares this much about a person's smell....
Yesterday, I went for a ridiculously long run to a friend's house and when I got there an hour and a half later, I showered. After I had dressed etc, the friend hugged me and said "you smell like post-exercise shower". He didn't mean that I simply smelt clean and freshly showered, nor did he mean I smelt of sweat (or so he maintains...!). I have no idea what he actually meant.
Also, a couple of days ago I was in a posh jewellery-and-other-things shop and the lady who runs it asked me at the till "what are you wearing?". I hesitated for a moment, pondering my choice of clothes, before I realised she meant my perfume. "It's not Angel, is it?" It's not, and luckily I managed to remember what it is called on the spur of the moment! (Lancome Miracle Forever, for those of you who wish to buy me perfume).
The smell of a person has always been a big factor in my attraction to a person. A guy who didn't smell of Lynx Africa when I was 15 was a major novelty and a major attraction! I have been known to steal items of boyfriends' clothing purely to sleep in because they smelt of the person. My stomach still flips when I catch a scent through a crowd which matches the aftershave my second boyfriend liked to wear. And I'm dreading it happening with the aftershave my most recent ex wore, because I know it'll bring back a plethora of memories that I don't want.
One of my friends used to wear Dior Addict and her then-boyfriend made the critical error of saying "you smell like my mum"!! (She smelt like my mum too, to be fair...clearly Dior Addict was popular amongst mothers...) Note to all guys: Never say this to your girlfriend/potential girlfriend/bit of stuff, unless you don't want sex ever again.
I remember reading/hearing things about how the smell of a person, or rather whether you find it attractive or repulsive, determines how healthy the babies you'd have if you were to have sex would be...something to do with genes...anyone want to help me out here...?! (I'd Google, but I'm in a rush to go out!)
I suspect it's not just me that cares this much about a person's smell....
Sunday 13 July 2008
A roomy bandwagon
(I'm going to punch Blogger soon for not letting me format this how I want...grr...it's only the last three photos that are of my room in Canterbury)
Here are some areas of my room at home, which is a permanent mess. One thing you should know is that I like stuff.
And a few of my room at uni last year...
Here are some areas of my room at home, which is a permanent mess. One thing you should know is that I like stuff.
And a few of my room at uni last year...
Wednesday 9 July 2008
Things
Today, I sang infront of someone I have known for a good 7 years for the first time. That's not entirely true; I've sang infront of him in a jokey way several times, not to mention screaming lyrics such as "WE ARE THE ANGRY MOB, WE READ THE PAPERS EVERY DAY" at Werchter last week. But today I put myself on the line and sang seriously, and dear god it was scary and now I'm wondering how his eardrums didn't bleed...
This made me think about how, when we are little, we don't worry so much what people will think of us. Most people don't draw or paint on a regular basis, or indeed at all. And yet when we were younger, we all drew countless pictures involving mummy, daddy, brothers and sisters, Rover and Felix, with a big blue stripe of sky and a big green stripe of grass. We also all sang, and danced, and ran and jumped. But then somewhere along the line, someone said "you can't sing/paint/dance/run...you're rubbish" and that stuck and we took it to heart and even now I'll tell people I can't sing, I can't draw and I can't dance. I can run, but I think I'm rubbish and very slow.
It seems sad to me that our carefree younger selves were stifled by a careless comment and we grew up into caring adults who worry what other people think us, perhaps too much.
In other news, it became painfully obvious a week ago that whilst it takes two to tango, it only takes one to stop dancing.
Dance like nobody's watching, love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening, live like it's heaven on earth.
I try...
This made me think about how, when we are little, we don't worry so much what people will think of us. Most people don't draw or paint on a regular basis, or indeed at all. And yet when we were younger, we all drew countless pictures involving mummy, daddy, brothers and sisters, Rover and Felix, with a big blue stripe of sky and a big green stripe of grass. We also all sang, and danced, and ran and jumped. But then somewhere along the line, someone said "you can't sing/paint/dance/run...you're rubbish" and that stuck and we took it to heart and even now I'll tell people I can't sing, I can't draw and I can't dance. I can run, but I think I'm rubbish and very slow.
It seems sad to me that our carefree younger selves were stifled by a careless comment and we grew up into caring adults who worry what other people think us, perhaps too much.
In other news, it became painfully obvious a week ago that whilst it takes two to tango, it only takes one to stop dancing.
Dance like nobody's watching, love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening, live like it's heaven on earth.
I try...
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