I don't generally write posts like this but I'm feeling mixed up and figured this was as good as place as any to splurge it out.
Bit of background history: My godfather, Martin, has never been around much- after my christening the first time I saw him was when I was 4, and then not again till I wrote to him when I was 12ish, and he came to stay. Then we wrote regularly for a few years, and I saw him again when I was 16...dad and I went to stay with him.
Martin drinks a lot, and when we stayed with him, he got a bit...I dunno. Aggressive isn't the right word. Forceful? Basically, we ate...finished...and then Martin tried to convince us to have seconds. We said no, and he picked up a fork with food on and tried to force it into my dad's mouth. I was a bit shocked and I didn't like the way he was acting, tbh. So anyway. I haven't seen him since then, and contact has been limited. He phoned me about a year and a half ago. I sent him a christmas card this most recent christmas with my current uni address in it cos I wasn't sure he had it, and he didn't write.
To be fair, aside from the christmas card, and a couple of letters I've sent, I haven't made much effort to make contact either. I know he's 'only' my godfather and I see one of my godmothers just as infrequently and it doesn't bother me- there's just something about Martin...we get along really well and the fact that he doesn't care much about me really upsets me for some reason.
Anyway. To the point. This morning I got a text from an unknown number, and I am 99.999% certain it's from him (can't see who else it would be). It says this:
"Hi Claire it's Martin. Sorry it's been so long etc. Hope to make a trip to Cant soon hope you may have time to get social! Let's talk soon. Mx"
And suddenly, randomly, I feel really mixed up and confused. Happy that he's contacted me, but so many other things too. I haven't replied...not sure what to do.
5 comments:
I'd leave it a bit until you're feeling less mixed up and unsure about what to do.
Do you want to see him? Maybe ask yourself that question and really think about it.
I hope I'm not stepping out of line too much when I say this but the fact you've not made too much effort to contact him yourself speaks to me of your reluctance about the situation and that you're heart is not entirely in it.
Leave it a while, it won't hurt to have a breather :o)
xx
Not out of line at all, don't worry :) I guess...I'm always unsure about making contact cos he so often doesn't reply to letters etc, and I hate it when I feel a relationship, any relationship, is one-sided...it really bothers/upsets me.
I would like to see him, but at the same time...I hate how mixed-up he makes me feel.
I know exactly what you mean about one-sided relationships. Not that that's a reason to lose contact altogether, but it makes you less keen to make a big effort.
If you'd still like to see him in a couple of weeks, maybe organise something like lunch in a café that isn't too big a deal (and can be escaped from if it isn't going well)?
I know exactly what you mean about one-sided relationships. But if he's making the effort now, and you get on so well with him usually, try meeting up like lucy said and just don't...invest too much in it, emotionally.
Good luck! xx
You seemed to have stopped blogging?!
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