The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.
The other day my mum said something about family meaning more than friends. To say my parents aren't big people people is something of an understatement...they're both happy having family ties, seeing their parents a couple of times a week, and other relatives a bit less, and neither of them place much stock on friends at all. They both have friends of course, don't get me wrong, but to them, family is more important. I can't imagine either of my parents ever saying they love their friends.
However, and I don't know if this is a generational thing or not, I totally disagree with my parents. I love my family, that goes without saying. But I have friends (for the sake of listing them without naming them, there's R, L, K, E, J, A, C, E, and E, just off the top of my head) who mean as much to me as family. I suppose I could narrow that down to the ones that just the thought of losing them makes me get all choked up, and that would be R, C, and E.
These friends, I think of them as extensions of me. They are my friends, and hideously possessive as that sounds, it's not quite how I mean it...in the same way as I can't imagine life without my parents, I can't imagine life without these three people. They are a part of my life, and therefore a part of me. I would do anything to protect them, anything to make them smile (proven by my love of spending money on friends, and of trying to find the perfect gift). I know they know how much they mean to me. I am proud of their achievements and when they're sad, I feel sad for them...when they're happy, I'm happy for them. I want them in my life for a long time yet to come.
I'm rambling. But is this just me? I often wonder if these friends feel about me how I feel about them...I know they like me, at least sometimes, but I fiercely love my closest friends.
Do you love your friends? Or is love and that kind of bond purely reserved for the realms of family?
It's hard to find people who would love you no matter what. I was lucky enough to find three of them.
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5 comments:
I think there is a difference between familial bonds and bonds of friendship, however subtle, if only because family are unchosen. your family are your family for better or for worse, but friends are less definite fixtures in your life. I could never choose between friends and family, and the very thought of having to do so is quite upsetting.
However, the further you get from my very immediate family, the more tenuous the bonds become. It is worth nothing though that I have some family members with whom I have next to nothing in common, but we still talk and socialise at the appropriate occasions because we are family. I would not do the same for the average person who did not have anything in common with me.
Love is too flat a word. It lacks the depth of meaning which is needed for this kind of comparison, I guess.
To answer your question, after that long ramble, I'd say that the bonds between friends and family may be of equal strength, but they are not identical in nature. Strength yes, kind no =)
Excuse any non-sense. I'm tired!
Friends are the family you choose
My closest friends are as good as family to me. I have chosen them (or them me) to be included in my clan. They are the ones that'll be invited to family events, find out about the engagement/pregnancy/house move/break up before it shows up on their mini feed on facebook...they are the ones I'd feel bad about if they found out something significant in my life through someone else.
So, they may not share the same surname or be blood connected...but I have a big family who are not blood related and many of whom I don't/can't/won't speak to. Just because they are family doesn't and shouldn't mean that they are *more* important than those few outsiders who I connect with.
I only have a select few of friends that would fall into said category, but they are as good as family to me.
There are friends who I would say I love like that, but I'm really not sure they feel the same. I'm really not sure that they'll be the ones who'll be there to support me when I inevitably freak out the night before my wedding (assuming I end up married, of course); or that I'll be on hand to help when they start having children or their marriages fall apart. I love that idea, friends-as-chosen-family, but I don't think there's anyone I've met yet who sees me in that light. I hope so, but I think not. And yes, it is a different kind of bond -- I no longer miss my family when I go away, but I do miss my friends; though I'm equally glad to see either when I come back.
Jenny, I know what you mean...I don't actually think any of my friends see me as I see them...hmm...
I could be better with my friends I think. Friends are people you talk to and let into your lives; telling them secrets you trust them with; things you perhaps can't hope with on your own. Only, I can't seem to do that. I'm a pretty private person, and it's not because I want to shut people out, I just don't feel comfortable letting people know things about me.
That doesn't mean I don't talk and I am willing to share things I just have great difficulty in doing so. However, it does have its consequences - I've lost touch with all but a few of my old school friends and I am determined this won't happen with my Uni friends. I've just got to loosen up a little and everything thing s'gonna be alright.
I love my family, sometimes I don't love my family so much but they're there regardless :o)
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