The above topics (amongst many others) are topics that are commonly regarded as dangerous to discuss at dinner parties. I further this to "dangerous to discuss with anyone you don't want to risk arguing with"...I once had a discussion with my driving instructor in which he basically said that all civilians killed as a result of warfare "deserved it" (bear in mind this is only "them", "our" civilians of course are and were innocent); I got so stressed that I almost drove off the side of the road!
How important do you think similar viewpoints on such issues are, within friendships/relationships? I can't imagine becoming romantically involved with someone who had drastically differing opinions or feelings towards such major life-encapsulating topics, though I think a friendship would be easier to maintain despite differences, indeed, I have a friend who I simply don't discuss politics with, because we both end up upset.
Someone once said to me that they didn't care about politics because they didn't feel it had any relevance to their life. I was totally shocked; to my mind, politics is everything. It may be messy and upsetting and downright frustrating that the political state of the country, indeed of the world, is so messy, but I feel that it is our duty to care and to take an interest in it. This is my upbringing, I'm sure, but maybe it's also because I'm female and after years of having the lessons of the suffragettes etc drilled into me, I feel that the right to vote is essential. And that apathy runs the risk of being the beginning of the downfall of liberty and democracy.
I'm never entirely sure where I stand on belief, which is perhaps hypocritical given my perhaps overly-strong feelings about politics. I like belief/faith/spirituality. I don't like organised religion. I don't like the things that humans do in the name of a god.
I find it amusing how uptight we all are in this country about money. It's bad manners to ask how much someone earns, how much they spent on something, how often they go on holiday etc etc etc. Several people think I'm a spoilt brat after discussions on money. I disapprove of the private sector. Money is definitely a dangerous topic.
Sex....'nuff said. Even assuming that homophobia is dying out (and I don't actually know how true that is...), the vast contrast between people's sexual behaviours is astounding, and a vanilla type may be massively offended by someone who's into BDSM.
Combine them all, hold your dinner party, and sit an extremely right-wing fundamentalist Christian billionaire who thinks sex should only occur after marriage next to a fluffy liberal middle-class atheist who's slept with a dozen people. What happens? I'm willing to bet it wouldn't be the start of a lifelong friendship!
Rantble over...how important is similarity of standpoints in founding a friendship?
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6 comments:
well you and i never discuss most of them... appart from our sex lives (or at least my total lack of a sex life) but thats never been a problem. its not a barrier, it only is if you make it one.
True if someone is a priest and another is an active athiest it may be hard to be friends but then again you never know they may enjoy a debate!!!
the diffrences are what makes it worth meeting new people
ok thats probably going to read as total trash, sorry cracking hangover
I always end up bringing up one of those over dinner.
90% of the time it ends fine, and a lively debate is odften struck.
10% of the time, well...
I think you have to take a horses for courses approach. My girlfriend doesn't like football and I get easily bored at concerts. But we have both developed a sort of toleration, even a slight liking of these because of our relationship. However, if we weren't going out we would never bring up the subjects with each other.
It's fine so long as other people's differences are respected. You can probably guess what I'm referring to.
Anyway, how close is a friendship if you can't discuss these things?! The only really crucial agreement, I'd've thought, is girlfriends/boyfriends agreeing over sex (or not, as the case may be...)
I always end up bringing up one or other of those too!
My best friend is profoundly religious. I am profoundly not, although I do enjoy going to church with her and do not discuss my beliefs with all my usual force around her (very religious) housemates. At least, not until I know them better!
I think these things don't matter in a friendship - so long as you can talk about them if you want to without fighting like cats in a bag, it doesn't matter if you don't share all the same views so long as you do have something that brings you together, be that sense of humour or always knowing how the other person would feel in a given situation. I have plenty of friends who ostensibly are very different to me, mad socialist feminist with so many toryboy private school freemarket male chauvinist friends!
But relationships...I don't know how I'd feel about going out with someone seriously religious, and I really couldn't cope with a boyfriend who subconsciously felt women were not his equals (and there are plenty that think this way, don't be fooled!), at least, not unless the sex was out of this world!
Or, I guess, just maybe, if I was hopelessly in love with him. But there'd be little logic to having such feelings for a guy like the above described.
(any similarity to any person or persons in real life is purely incidental, blah, blah blah.)
I find it increasingly hard to have a conversation on any of these topics because people, yes I'm generalising, are almost compelled to make it a who is the "winner" contest. They're all pretty volatile subjects. Maybe I should get better at aruging..
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