Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle... because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
I have been thinking about the way that people enter our lives, often largely through coincidence, and then leave again. I recently got back in contact with a friend who I used to work with; we were close, but after I went to uni we drifted apart. He is now engaged to his long-term boyfriend (last time I spoke to him, he was single) and is moving across the country to live with him. I'm not naive enough to imagine that we'll magically become best buddies, but it's nice to touch base with him again.
I'm not close with anyone I knew at primary school anymore, though we're all civil to each other and occasionally catch up via Facebook. It's almost the same with secondary school, with the exception of L and K. L and I have that sort of friendship whereby we can go weeks, months, without talking, and then pick up exactly where we left off. It's lovely to know that she'll always be there, but that we live our separate lives. However. She has been having a really rough time lately, and to my shame I didn't know when it was at its worst. In fact, the first I knew of it was when I phoned her from a train for a catchup, and she burst into tears at me. L doesn't cry. It was a shock. I'm now trying to make the effort to hold on tighter.
K had a baby a couple of years ago, and (perhaps to my shame) it is largely thanks to him that we keep in touch. I was with her when she took that pregnancy test, and I feel that her son (and her, of course) is a big part of my life. I wouldn't want to miss him growing up for the world!
I find that living as a student forces you to live in a strange dichotomy- "home friends" and "uni friends"...I often find that when living in one realm, it is painfully easy to loosen your grip on the other. However, as one friend once said to me; "I trust that we have a solid enough friendship that you'll still be there, even after a lack of communication" (or words to that effect), and I suppose it really is all about trust. Trust that while everything changes, your friendship won't change all that much. Trust that you still matter to each other. Trust that when push comes to shove, when one really needs the other, you'd still cross borders, climb mountains, ford streams...that there ain't no mountain high enough; ain't no valley low enough; ain't no river wide enough to keep you apart. For the most part, I think my friends would.
Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing;
Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice; then darkness again and a silence.
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4 comments:
It's really quite weird, but totally normal at the same time. It's sometimes a bit sad, but sometimes you just gotta let it go I guess.
For many people, it's the final year. What will happen when we finish uni?
There are a handful of people I feel are true friends, maybe one or two in each "bunch" of friends from different sectors of life. These will be the people I keep in touch with long term. The rest? Well, I'll enjoy the journey with them for as long as our stations of life coincide.
So far I've found that in the few months I've been out of Uni I've kept in contact with those I knew I would. I had an inkling of those people I would want to and would keep in contact with.
I'm the same as you, I'm not in contact with anyone from primary school on more than a civil level. Those I am still in contact with from secondary, I make every effort (now) to keep in regular contact - being at Uni taught me to value what you have making the small amount of effort can result in friends for life :o)
My closest friend - or one of them - has held that place in my life since we were six. I'm still close to a couple of people from primary school, but almost none from secondary school or college. The people I think I'll know forever are R, mentioned above, and a smattering from the local private school. Only a smattering, mind. I'm not very good at holding onto my friendships; I haven't the confidence to believe my friendship is still wanted and so I've lost a couple of people as a result. I don't know how I can change that.
friends come and go, but the memories of the good times we had will last.
Sadly people are always drifting apart and it takes something special to stay in touch.and even then it may only last a while.
some of my friends though, like you claire i try and look out for, and will always try to be there for, others, no matter where or when could phone me and ask for a favour and i would be there. but in reality, i like meeting new people, but part of that is that for every new person you meet generaly a person leaves your life.
such is life.
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