The above is the title of my wild module this year, and I am taking a break from essay-writing ("'Eating disorders need to be understood in the context of the meaning of the body in high- or post-modernity'. Discuss.") to write this blog post (hey, it's better than Facebook!)
Many women who would not describe themselves as having particular problems with food share the same feelings about eating and femininity. "I have quite a good appetite really, but if I'm out with a new boyfriend, I always pick at my food - you know, as if I wasn't really interested in food. I mean, it's not very romantic really to eat like a pig, is it?'"
This intrigues me. Because I have always thought that men prefer someone who eats like she's loving it (ironic that that's almost the McDonalds jingle). Within reason, obviously...grabbing handfuls of chips and forcing them into your mouth isn't particularly attractive in anyone...but I have ALWAYS thought a man would prefer a girl who likes food, who eats heartily, who enjoys the taste and the act of making and consuming food.
Obviously the above quote was spoken by a woman with anorexia, who was (I think we can safely say) clearly not in the most logical frame of mind. But there are a lot of people who feel like her.
I sort of liken this to the same mindset that some women have with relation to sex: lights off, or at most, flattering candlelight, holding your tummy in, hiding your bum, hoping to hell that the guy you're with won't notice your cellulite/stretchmarks/that mole you've always hated/the fact that you haven't shaved your legs. To (totally mis-) quote Belle de Jour (my absolute favourite woman of the last few months); "Holding in your tummy is not sexy. Slapping your ample behind and inviting him to ride the wobble, is."
This is all potentially a result of thinking I am too skinny, of having always believed this. Some photos recently appeared on Facebook of a school trip when I was 14. General reaction from the people around me (none of whom knew me back then) was shock, and comments like "god, you were really skinny" and "I wouldn't have fancied you back then". What's interesting is that I still believe I look like that, despite logically knowing that I am perfectly capable of inviting an abstract gentleman to ride the wobble.
Perhaps if I had always been the opposite; had always struggled with losing weight, as opposed to putting it on, I too would feel like the aforequoted anorexic woman: that men like self-restraint; that women should be contractive. Having read around the subject for this essay, I know that 21st century post/high-modern Western society dictates the above. Women should be contractive. There is (one could claim) an epidemic of corporeal disenfranchisement. We should all be aiming to master our selves.
And so, I find myself once again wondering if my mindset is absolutely, completely, totally, truly-madly-deeply, 100% off-kilter with the rest of the population. And if so, why?
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7 comments:
I'm quite interested in the differing mentalities of men and women. I think, for the most part, corporeal disenfranchisement is somewhat fed by the media. Yes, its that old chestnut again but as a gender we are constantly told that its best to be skinny as a rake and not eat properly because that way we'll be liked better for it. It's better for us to turn the light off because that way we can hide the bits we don't like and somehow the man will be none the wiser.
Ask a man and you'll probably find his view differs to that opinion. I think you'd also struggle to find a woman who doesn't have a problem with their body its an age old problem that isn't likely to go away.
What's your degree in, Claire?
It is only easy to disregard a societal ideal once we have obtained it. We would like to feel that we have the choice not to conform to the thin/ beautiful/ sexy ideal - for people who struggle to lose weight or whatever, the choice is not there so it is much harder to stand up and ignore it.
Does that make sense?
On the whole, I quite like my body, and I'm quite a "I'd like the lights on, ta very much :)" sort of girl.
Hannah: BA Social Anthropology, though this is an SSPSSR wild module.
Lucy: I think you may well be right, though I do feel, being skinny/slim/lean/small/thin/whatever you want to call it, I am at the sharp end of a lot of criticism and bitchyness from other women.
I'm waiting for some men to offer up an opinion on this...
I hate my body and think about food constantly because of the pressure to do so from society, from other girls, from the media and my family and things. I went through a very skinny phase at one point, where I learnt to calorie-count everything, always thought about how much or how little I'd managed to get away with eating that day, and was horribly aware of my body the entire time. That mentality hasn't left me, which means now I'm always thinking about where my next meal is coming from - and, ironically, piling on the weight as a result. I know, though, that I am seen as more attractive by men now than I was at my most skinny, which just goes to show that we have sold our bodies to the media, essentially, rather than to the people who actually matter - ourselves, and the people around us. It makes me angry, and explains why I almost never buy women's magazines, and then regret it when I do.
Sorry about that extremely negative comment...!
Ah bum, I meant to reply to your comment ages ago and clearly forgot! I was going to ask something along the lines of...does it affect your feelings towards your body, knowing that men find you more attractive with a bit more squidge?
I tend to see it as more about competition/comparison with other women than men, I don't know how true that really is, cos a lot of it is subconscious.
Also, I think men get a raw deal sometimes, like they're not allowed to say slim is sexy, because they'll get eaten alive by feminists.
Just like so many aspects of life, I reckon it all comes down to confidence and self-esteem in the end, rather than measurements or aesthetics.
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